Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she told me i tasted like america
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
