god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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