normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
