history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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