in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
