What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
