I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
They are going to name an STD after you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
