You're my little dorito
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
