When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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