I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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