he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
