Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
