Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize