i'm signing you up for texting rehab
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
