her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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