Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
