haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We're too hungover to prance.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
