I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
