if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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