I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
