i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
