I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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