Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
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