Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
