the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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