Can i not drive my cunt home
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
