who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Even my vagina gasped.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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