I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my sisters under your porch take her home
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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