Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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