my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
