i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
