It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
