My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
