I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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