are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
