none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize