I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
