I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
