'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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