then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
