can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
