He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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