who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
