you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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