I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
