the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
