its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
