Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
