omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
