shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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