I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
