Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
