Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
