i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just gift wrapped bread.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize