i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
