first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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