i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
