I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
