Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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