I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
