I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
