he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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