Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
