remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize