Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
