don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
