I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
