just come out here and I will go home with you...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
