My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Randomize
