If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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