my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
