All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
