That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize