Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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