Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think I just sharted jello shots
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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