The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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