yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
if i died would you start the facebook group?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
