We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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