well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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