I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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