So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
