so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
