Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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