Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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