I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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