guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
