i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
