You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
