fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm passing your future prison.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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