He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
