No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
