We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
