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I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
