Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
