He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
